Bear in mind, though, that sex is a crucial part of any relationship. However, sex should never be a burden. Knight reiterates this point. These things enable you to spice things up and expand your horizons. If both you and your partner are unhappy, you may be able to work with each other to improve things. O'Reilly agrees that losing that initial spark is totally normal.
But long-term relationships also have a natural ebb and flow of passion, so using your sex life as a barometer for how happy your partner is with you can cause unnecessary alarm—and even create problems. On the other hand, if the not-so-great sex is happening with a new love interest, you can still try to communicate with him or her about your desires, but it might not always work. It is a common misconception that sex should be effortless with the person you love. This implies, on the one hand, self-awareness and knowing what turns you on and what you want in bed. But sometimes humdrum sex actually is a red flag. What's more, it ignores the very important point that all aspects of a relationship take effort, whether or not fate has brought you together. If Hollywood has taught us anything, it's that finding your soulmate locks in a future of pure bliss—you basically become a walking, talking heart-eye emoji and live happily ever after. Start by telling your partner exactly what you want——lots of partners find it extremely sexy when their other half takes control, and for many women, being in the driving seat can be extremely liberating. According to new research in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology , thinking you're in a relationship with The One could be detrimental to a key aspect of your happiness—your sexual satisfaction. For Courtney, a senior at Marist College, her expectations fell short with someone she met and liked studying abroad. It requires effort to keep things fresh, even with someone you very much love. If you like or love your partner, but the sex is falling short, we really feel for you. After this, you'll probably find out whether the two of you are sexually compatible. Understand that no one is bad at sex The first few times you have sex with a new partner, it might be a little uncomfortable—and understandably so. Before you consider walking away from your relationship, read on. It allows you the space to learn about each other sexually. O'Reilly says that it all comes down to how much each of you care about the relationship at hand. When people believe chemistry is fixed, their happiness is more affected by problems between the sheets than those who view sexual attraction as more malleable, says a recent study in Social Cognition. So, you need to be able to communicate openly, whether this means sharing your desires, trying new things or compromising. Both experts say you need to talk with your partner about it. Knight reiterates this point. The reasoning for that makes sense, though: These things enable you to spice things up and expand your horizons. Or would you prefer having the best sex of your life while in a terrible relationship? Bear in mind, though, that sex is a crucial part of any relationship. That's good news for us, considering the study also found that those who believe sexual satisfaction takes work to maintain are happier with their relationship and their sex life—and so are their partners.
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Can Oral Sex Ruin a Relationship?
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