Perhaps you've always had that special secret fantasy, but you've never mentioned it or acted on it. Not having sex doesn't mean these couples aren't deeply in love, monogamously committed and happy together. That said, many couples do find infrequent sex to be an issue. About 15 to 20 percent of long-term couples fall into this category. If a person is getting his or her sexual needs met on the side with regular porn use or in-vivo , he or she is likely to be less interested in sex at home. Lack of sexual interest may also be the result of an underlying psychological condition such as depression, anxiety, drug or alcohol addiction, a behavioral addiction, low self-esteem, unresolved childhood trauma, an attachment deficit disorder, etc. Now is the time to talk about it with your partner.
And there is always the possibility that one partner may be having an affair. Sure, this sounds horribly unromantic, but really it's quite the opposite. As such, a regular sex life can be an important contributor to overall health and happiness. After all, who doesn't look forward to a massage? It just means that sex isn't as high a priority for them as it is for some of their friends, neighbors or people they see on TV and in the movies. People who are having a lot of sex are usually pretty OK with that. And be sure to ask about his or her secret fantasy. Some people are heterosexual; others are homosexual or bisexual. Holding hands, looking into each other's eyes, cuddling, spooning, massage and just taking the time to listen to your loved one's feelings can all serve to build emotional closeness. Some people are into a fetish or kink; others are relatively "vanilla. Of course, if you and your partner have gone several weeks or even months without sex and the lack of activity is troubling you, you may want to consider some changes. This may or may not be an issue, depending on the couple. Diminishing hormone levels, the aging process and the distractions of life tend to lower our sex drives and our ability to perform , and there's not a whole lot we can do about it. If you've always done it in the bedroom, try the kitchen, or a hotel, or a cruise ship, or a cabin in the woods. Should You Be Worried? This is especially true for couples who qualify as "sexless. Frankly, most couples who worry about frequency of sex tend to fear their frequency is significantly below the curve, so to speak. It might be a turn-on for you, too. That said, non-genital touch, massage, hugs, holding, talking and emotional intimacy are every bit as effective as sex in terms of developing closeness and relationship trust. It is wise to rule out any potential physical or medical problems before considering relationship-based or psychological issues. Sure, there are couples out there who've been married for 30 years who're still hot for each other, and good for them. About 15 to 20 percent of long-term couples fall into this category. If you find that to be the case in your relationship, try one or more of the following tips: Plan a relaxing shower and mutual massage as part of foreplay. As long as your sexual behavior or lack of it isn't illegal, affecting your self-esteem, troubling to your relationship or leading to negative life consequences, why worry?
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