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Of course, that realization also made me cry. There are moments in our lives that break our story into chapters. The first time they are touched intimately may be by another person, whereas nearly all men start their sexual lives with masturbation. Traditional doctors told me it was a normal part of getting old. They suggested trying a cocktail of mood-altering drugs. But her body is very different hormonally. Sex is a mixed bag. In my 30s, migraines became a weekly ritual that crippled me for days at a time. Her need to feel emotionally safe before the sexual moment cannot be overstated. I am phenomenally lucky to be born into a generation of women who rarely see overt sexism in the workplace and take for granted our ability to become leaders. Hidden in complex company politics is a systematic and undeniable prejudice towards femininity. But the ways that women experience and express their sexuality are often very different from their male partners. While many women do learn orgasm through self-stimulation, a large proportion begin their sexual lives within a relationship or hook-up. Most women do love sex, but desire can easily be derailed by tiredness, resentment, or the physiological problems of pain or menopause. Sex is a way she gives love. And sometimes getting to the peak of arousal can be a bumpy climb; for many women, it may take up 45 minutes. Sex is an aspect of love. But our starting place is often different. Sex begins in the mind. While most people see sex and the hot pursuit of multiple orgasms as a recreational activity or a weekend luxury, I see it as a daily necessity. Just as men often expect abundant sex after marriage , women have expectations of lots of continuing romance that assures her of her sexual desirability. So, while men love variety, women may prefer a tried and true position or routine, because there is more guarantee of her pleasure, which allows her to relax in the moment. If there is relational warmth and good will, this offering can be a real gift of love. Be sure to read the following responses to this post by our bloggers: Being female in the workplace has never held me back. Expert, fun, not salacious talk to show how a man and a woman can talk more easily about sex. Experiencing regular orgasms is not as easy for women as it is for men, but it is necessary for continued desire.
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