I'm not monogamous now, but when I have been, it's been my will power and my promises and my decision to honor my commitments that has kept me from straying. And sometimes it does. I don't even disregard their relationship with some sort of "I don't care if you don't care," or "she'll never know. I've had lovers who were very newly and casually trying out monogamy with someone and found that our long term friendship carried more strength, connection, healing and passion than their new quasi-relationship did. Tap here to turn on desktop notifications to get the news sent straight to you.
There are a whole other set of promises and agreements between me and my friends. I never excuse what happened, or apologize for it either. And when someone tells me they have a girlfriend, I never pressure them to sleep with me. I don't want us to say, 'Oh my, who knew we'd end up sleeping together? In fact, I have been known to say, "Look, if I come over to your house, it will be very hard for me to be well-behaved. I can't imagine a situation in which that would feel right in my body. And sometimes it does. I've had lovers who were very newly and casually trying out monogamy with someone and found that our long term friendship carried more strength, connection, healing and passion than their new quasi-relationship did. I'm not monogamous now, but when I have been, it's been my will power and my promises and my decision to honor my commitments that has kept me from straying. That's okay, I think you should do what feels right in your body, and if that includes never, ever being the other man or woman, then so be it. The few times I've found myself with a man who has a girlfriend, it has felt like an exception, a special moment outside normal rules. And when that happens, I pursue it. But if for some reason I am there with my friend's boyfriend, and we have a crazy intense connection and sleeping with him doesn't feel wrong in my body, I might do it. And sometimes it doesn't. My lovers have been in complicated relationships that are basically over but they can't break up, and they are exhausted and need the kind of nurturing that you can only get when you are getting ridden hard and kissed passionately. I don't think it's possible to make absolute rules. This post originally appeared on her website charlienox. Tap here to turn on desktop notifications to get the news sent straight to you. And while I don't go searching for men in relationships, I also don't pretend I feel nothing when it's not the case. The few times I've found myself the mistress, we have had deep, real, meaningful conversations about their relationships and their commitments, their heart and their body. I won't try to sleep with your boyfriend, and it's extremely unlikely, but I can't promise it won't ever happen. I'm sure some women will read this and worry about being friends with me. I've had lovers with agreements that are unclear and undefined, with no way to clarify before one of us left town. If you had asked me when I was in high school if I'd ever sleep with a man I knew was otherwise entangled, I would have given a proud and emphatic "no way, sister. That's true not just in my relationships, but also my cancer treatment, my body, money, friendships, and family. I'm not going to tell you that I ever just get carried away and oops, something happened. I've been married, separated, divorced, monogamous, polyamorous, celibate, and in recent years I've once in a while been the "other woman.
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