He asks what kind of porn you watch. Closeted self-loathing is the not-so-secret formula behind the most vehement antigay politicians — so much so that when I meet someone with major beef with us, I pull out my phone to see if I recognize his headless, faceless profile on Grindr. He frequents the gay gym. Hugging is intimate, something you reserve for sons and fathers, family members and best girlfriends. He records every episode of RuPaul. During a recent tattoo appointment, my artist and I were talking about our gyms. He gets nervous and awkward around you and presumably other gay men. Gay and bi men are sensitive to our brothers in the closet because most of us were there at one point.
Hugging is intimate, something you reserve for sons and fathers, family members and best girlfriends. When a straight man hugs me, I raise my eyebrows. Guys open to same-sex experiences know better and will sometimes ask which way you lean. Your high school football coach puts a hand on your shoulder as he sends you into the game. They know, and I know. You watch it with your buddies, then you happen to be jacking off together. He has a repeat sex joke that he uses with you. It puts you in the role of confidante. One of my friends, a self-proclaimed straight man, was fascinated by the fact that I was a fisting bottom. He likes talking to you but will not set foot in a gay bar. He cozies up to you. Everyone needs their journey. Desire — that dark animal lifting its head. Pretty soon it was obvious what was going on: Fisters know there are endless fisting jokes to be made, and most of us have heard them all. He frequents the gay gym. Gay and bi men are sensitive to our brothers in the closet because most of us were there at one point. His favorites music playlist includes Britney Spears and Depeche Mode. You know the look. We remember the fear of getting caught, the curiosity and confusion, the threat of exposure, the furtive glances. Where does this come from? As Kinsey and other sexologists have revealed, sexuality is fluid and exists on a scale. What if someone saw him walk in? He asks what kind of porn you watch. Give curious straight guys some love. He gets nervous and awkward around you and presumably other gay men. He repeatedly tries to talk one-on-one about sex stuff, your relationships, jockstraps, whatever , but never with others present.
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