But I was impressed. The alluring mystery of the G-spot. The foreplay seemed to last for hours, and I soaked in every minute. Anyway, one day I was walking my dog Scottie in the park when I laid eyes on this beautiful punk twenty-something with blue hair, wearing purposefully torn fishnet stockings, a cropped t-shirt, and the shortest shorts possible. So I sidled on up to her and introduced myself. Creepy, maybe, but I was crazy attracted to the man. Focus your attention to more important matters, women! Next thing I knew, we were wrestling—and soon enough, Maddie had pinned me, straddling me at the waste and holding my arms down above my head so I was paralyzed on my back. Instead, she shoved me, hard, into the corner.
Then the craziest thing happened. The alluring mystery of the G-spot. Neither of us has ever acknowledged what happened. It is unlikely that a woman will get pregnant while menstruating but not impossible. She was seated on a bench, enjoying an ice pop. Looking straight into my eyes, she leaned down ever so slowly, as if to kiss me on the lips, but at the last second she darted towards my nipples and started sucking. All it takes is a tiny sperm to get you pregnant. Focus on the other erogenous zones. He scooped me in his arms, carried me across his expansive corner office and set me down on a black leather reclining char. So I sidled on up to her and introduced myself. I treasured every precious second I got to spend with Rick alone while his Stepford Wife touched up her makeup before they went out at night. Great sex, no regrets. I had just starred in a string of commercials for a national fast food chain and an indie flick that did respectably well at the box office, so the next step was to land a part in a blockbuster. I let her suck and slurp and massage me with her tongue and hands. Yes, I was merely a plaything to him, but I was never dumb to that fact. Do you feel the intensity of your pleasure depends on the size of his organ? Creepy, maybe, but I was crazy attracted to the man. I put the kids to bed an hour early and knocked on the master bedroom door to check in on Rick. But I was impressed. A few Fridays later, I was thrilled to hear that Rick was feeling under the weather again. About five years ago, my wife decided that we should lease a house in Jamaica for a week in February with two of her former sorority sisters and their painfully uninteresting husbands. I watched her engulf that popsicle methodically, inviting men to substitute penis for pop and to enjoy the scene vicariously—to believe that she was their personal sex kitten, dutifully practicing her oral skills. Most pregnancies happen because of the withdrawal method. For the next half-hour or so, Maddie worshipped my entire body. To each man his own. If you had the same doubts and had plans of asking them out loud, here are a few less embarrassing way to dispel all doubts.
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