So too with sex. Your negative feelings or apathy may have more to do with the chase than sex itself. Even elderly and chronically ill people can enjoy a robust sex life. You get home from work, after a long, stressful day that has left you physically and mentally numb. But it's not like you guys are a great couple except for the sex.
However, if you do say, "no," it's important that you make an alternative suggestion. So problems in your relationship can be a major factor in low sex drive. She's happy the way it is. In the long-term, however, it seems unwise to be sacrificing such a powerful relationship tool sex and just caving to the desires of one person instead of it being a compromise among two equal parties. If some of the conditions are not doable, ask yourself, "What was different back then? Were you in better shape back then? But part of the healing that must take place between the two of you involves your active participation in things that will help your partner feel better. You'll feel better, look better, and increase the chances you'll stay healthy. Maybe she's being cruel. If so, offer a "hands-on" demonstration. Eight years is a long time to build up deep-seated issues, and that needs to be looked at carefully too. Unlike men's main sexual complaint, erectile dysfunction , women's biggest sexual problem is caused by a combination of both mental and physical factors, which aren't likely to be cured by merely popping a pill. It is work, and sometimes it will feel like it. Soy has been proven to reduce testosterone levels, which will in turn reduce libido. When you think back to times when things were better between you sexually, you may ask yourself what happened to your passion and what caused this to change in you. I understand that it is not her responsibility to be up for sex just because I want it. Why are you together? Do you like back rubs, hot baths, sexy lingerie, certain kinds of touching, some positions more than others, moving slowly or speeding up? The solution isn't to eat saltpeter or whatever and kill your libido. It is also not your responsibility to numb or deaden a very important part of yourself to fall in line with her wants. The benefits of being in shape extend far beyond your improved sex life. Lack of connection with your partner Unresolved conflicts or fights Poor communication of sexual needs and preferences Trust issues. If they talk about it, and he helps her relax a little, she might be able to get rid of the job-related stress or she may decide it's time for her to make a change. If the issue is depression , antidepressants can help. Sometimes I resent her for being so irregular, sometimes I resent what I mistakenly call weakness, sometimes I am way, way too busy, or just not willing to reprioritize, or more often than any of those, just not confident in myself as her ideal partner what a joke that one is - I'll never get there if I don't try! Find a good therapist.
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