We will survive you, but surviving you for this long is like gripping cold steel between our teeth. About the refugees in Pennsylvania. Follow this series by reading Pt 2: I wait for him to say any of the things I hear when I shyly, sheepishly admit to this. They tell me I will like him. Look at what we are made of. And then the tears come because I am sensitive, because there is all this noise, and it is you, for years, for my whole life, telling me I do not matter.
All those people are still out there, walking the streets of my city. But then my fists are clenched, and if I speak, I will just let out a long wail, a thousand year wail, the kind in stories full of ancestors who tear down city walls. Look at what we are made of. But I am afraid, and then the silence comes, and it feels like falling. Tell them it hurts. When you use it, it hurts. My people are full of poems. Falling in love with white men and preparing myself to explain to them all of this, my heart racing each time, feeling as though I am making a confession. I want to tell you about the loneliness of coming from nowhere, of having my culture and my ethnicity experienced in shadows, in secrets. Lighting candles every August 2nd to remember my great uncles, murdered by Hitler. My friend, in one line, erases my identity, my history, my culture, myself. We will be a success story. When I was very little, my mother explained that I could not trust you. That he is full of love. It is not for people who are not Rroma. Whatever I give you, you will take and destroy. It begins with his friends, who hear my fear and reach for me. The feeling lasts for at least an hour before I begin replaying the volumes of horrific things said to my cousins by supporters of this business. I am so tired. About what it is to be a Rroma woman in America, but I am afraid. Follow this series by reading Pt 2: We will show our community that change is possible. I want to tell you about the precious words I have hung onto through years of forced assimilation, how my language is no longer mine; I speak English. What do I own? I look at you, I open my mouth to speak. With so many owners of so many businesses.
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